It's kind of upsetting when one of the first entries in one's newly restarted journal is a solemn one. Even though it is, I feel like putting it in here. Maybe some day he will see it. Knowing him, he probably won't. That's fine. I am used to him brushing me and that what which has to do with me off of his pretty shoulder.
Jesse Ali gave us a call this morning and asked my mother if he could come over on Sunday to try and sell some knives for a scholarship. My mother said that next Friday would work. Next Friday it is. Not too long ago Jorge sent me an instant message, had I known I was going to make an entry about it then I would have saved the conversation. I had to close it in disgust. So, he sends me an instant message saying that he might be coming over tomorrow night. I got excited and I went on to tell him about Jesse Ali calling and saying when he was coming over. After a moment of confusion Jorge was dissapointed because he was supposed to be meeting Jesse. That is the only reason he was going to come over; To meet with Jesse. I was hurt, crushed even. Here I was thinking that my brother was going to come over to actually be with his family for once. I was wrong. I told him that it was kind of sad that the only reasons he ever really comes is to be with his friends. He said his computer was messing up.
Mom: He didn't like what you said.
Even though Jesse planned a different day, he said he's still coming over because he has freetime now. Veronica gets happy and excited again. Then he adds in that Mike and Adam will be here. In other words, Jesse isn't gunna be here but he can still spend time with Mike and Adam. Veronica crashes and burns. Again, I reiterate the fact that he comes over just to see friends is sad. I ask him if he's going to stay with Mike. He says no. I have made my point. He says nothing. I say I will talk to him later and leave it at that. He signs off a few minutes after.
If only he could see how much I cry from the hurt. He does more with Anna/Marina/Hector than he has ever done with or for me. I am sick of it. I am tired of it. I could never be to him the way he is with me...but I guess I have to change, huh?
Maybe some day he will actually take the time to sit with me the way he says he wants to, but I know he never will. By the time he actually decides to put his plans into action, it may be too late.
It's like I don't have a brother.
It's sad how it's easier to find the brother figure in Ian and Li than it is to in my own brother.
It works for me. I don't mind sticking with it.